In the past year I experienced a series of events that turned my world upside down and got me really questioning about what was the point of life and what I do.
What I learned during this time is that life is not about things always going well and goals being achieved. Part of living life is the knowing that for sure there will be tough and challenging times for example losing your home, someone you love dying, separation, divorce, losing your job, being treated badly and unfairly by people within a company.
The list goes on.
When this is happening the last thing people want to hear is being told to be positive, stay focused, it will get better with time and all the other well-worn clichés that. This advice is meant well however most of us are not in a resourceful enough state to accept what is being said and may even get angry with the people who care about us.
How I dealt with my situation was by listening to my internal dialogue and the language I was using. I noticed that I was generalising saying things like “I am ALWAYS tired” ‘Life is NEVER easy” “’NO-ONE has budgets to do our training””. The interesting thing was that although the changes that had happened in my life were all personal and I have a very successful business I was generalising in ALL areas of my life.
This got me thinking about the many people I had worked with who had gone through tough times and how they also had generalised by using words like never, all, always, every-time, everyone etc. Using of words like this imply in the mind that there is no choice or no alternative way to do things creating a sense of being stuck and helpless.
So when things are tough and emotional stop and listen to what you are saying to yourself both internally and externally. Challenge when you find yourself generalising by asking yourself “Has this always been true for me or is it only true for this moment in my life?” There is no need to do anything other than accept that things have changed and will change again. In time you will start to notice the choices that come as you gently let your emotions settle and stay in the moment.
Give yourself time as very often people find their values change and what they wanted to achieve is not important any more. It is during those tough times that we really get to understand who we are and find internal resources and strength that often we did not realise was there. Just as there are tough times so there are wonderful times and so the cycle of life goes on.
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